Screen Love: How "May December" Reflects Our Media-Influenced Relationships

Welcome back to my series where we explore the fascinating relationship between what we see on screen and how we love in real life. It's remarkable how the movies and TV shows we've watched throughout our lives become invisible scripts running in the background of our relationships and intimate moments. Every rom-com, every steamy scene, every dramatic breakup becomes programming in our romantic operating system.

Today, I'm diving into Todd Haynes' thought-provoking film "May December" – a perfect vehicle for a director who has spent his career examining subjects from alternative angles to challenge audience perspectives. This is, after all, the same filmmaker who portrayed Bob Dylan using six different actors (including a person of color and a woman) to capture the singer's multifaceted persona.

"May December" takes tabloid fodder from the 1990s and transforms it into an opportunity for serious self-reflection about power dynamics and relationship norms.

The Story Within a Story

The film follows Elizabeth Berry (Natalie Portman) as she prepares to portray Gracie Atherton-Yoo (Julianne Moore) in a movie. Gracie became notorious for her relationship with a much younger Joe, which began when he was just in 7th grade.

This narrative is loosely based on the true story of Mary Kay Letourneau and Vili Fualaau, who met when Letourneau was Fualaau's second-grade teacher, though their affair didn't begin until he was 13. Letourneau ended up having two children with Fualaau during two separate prison sentences. If you don't recall this story, it's worth revisiting as context for the film.

A Hall of Mirrors

What makes this film so compelling is its layered approach – it's like looking into a hall of mirrors. We have a story about an actress studying a controversial relationship to make a movie about it, which reflects how media shapes our understanding of relationships.

Unlike typical true crime stories told through the lens of police or journalists, this film chooses an actor's perspective, creating a more observational and reflective quality. Elizabeth reflects on Gracie and Joe's lives, but we're also confronted with questions about how we shape stories we see in tabloids and social media, and our role in retelling these narratives through posts and retweets.

We aren't just passive consumers of news and screen content – we're constantly interacting with these stories and reshaping them. We often get stuck in the paradigm of clear victims and villains. We're seeing this play out right now in stories like the Blake Lively/Justin Baldoni case, where we think we know all the information and retell the story with our own biases and presumptions.

What I appreciate about "May December" is that it refuses to do that – and challenges us not to as well. The film doesn't give us easy answers. It would have been simple to make Gracie a clear villain, but instead, we get something much more complex – uncomfortable and truly problematic, but complex nonetheless.

Grooming and Problematic Relationships

The film brilliantly demonstrates how dramatization can blur the lines between understanding and endorsement. When Elizabeth starts empathizing with Gracie, we witness how easy it is to get caught up in storytelling and potentially lose sight of the underlying issues.

One of the most heartbreaking aspects is Joe's character. Charles Melton delivers a powerful performance of someone whose development was essentially frozen at the moment this relationship began – a stark reminder of how trauma can shape our entire life trajectory. This man in his early thirties is launching the last of his three children off to college at a time when most men are just beginning adulthood.

Initially, you might think this is a story about the two women, but it truly centers on Joe and his trauma realization. When he asks Gracie, "What if I was too young to make those decisions?" her characteristically defensive response ("You seduced me") reveals the power dynamics of their relationship. His immediate retreat from the conversation exposes the cracks in a man who may be just realizing the depth of his trauma.

The choice to make Joe a Monarch butterfly breeder is apt, if somewhat melodramatic. I admit feeling moved when he sets a newly hatched butterfly free the morning after confronting Gracie about his fears and reflections on his lost childhood.

The Complexity of Gracie

Gracie's character is portrayed as naive and possibly traumatized herself, seemingly unable to understand the gravity of her decisions. Despite the destruction left in her wake regarding her first family, she appears to have convinced herself that everything is normal. However, her emotional fragility suggests otherwise, making her extremely sympathetic at times.

I wonder: if the gender roles were flipped, would it be as easy to feel sympathy for this character?

The typical profile of female sexual predators includes:

• Rationalization of behavior through claims of emotional connection or "love"

• Difficulty recognizing their actions as abusive due to societal gender stereotypes

• Using positions of authority or trust to initiate contact

• History of unresolved trauma or disrupted attachment

Tropes like the "MILF" in mainstream movies such as "American Pie" and "That's My Boy" exemplify how media can minimize the seriousness of abuse through humor. These films often downplay power imbalances and potential exploitation by framing predatory behavior through a lens of liberation or comedy, creating a confusing double standard about female versus male predatory behavior.

The Real Story Behind the Film

An important note about the making of this film: while it's clearly inspired by the Letourneau-Fualaau case, the producers were hesitant to call it a direct retelling. Producer Will Ferrell stated that "It's about the way that we look at ourselves as stories that are told and we question our expectations and the moral positions that we bring to the stories we watch." He added that "There's been so much time and distance from when [the real story] actually happened that it really ends up being a story about desperate, unhappy people and how one decision of narcissism affects so many other people and changes their lives forever."

However, Vili Fualaau expressed disappointment that no one contacted him during the making of the film. Director Todd Haynes mentioned in an interview that while he had sympathy for Fualaau, he "was told not to contact him."

This raises important questions about how victims' stories should be told and what role they should have in the telling. As someone who helps people process trauma and articulate their experiences, I find this aspect of the film's production troubling. The telling of one's story is crucial to healing. Natalie Portman, another producer who was herself sexualized as a young girl and has advocated for women throughout the #MeToo movement, was part of a production team that was reportedly prevented from engaging the victim in the retelling of his story.

Media's Influence on Our Relationships

"May December" isn't just about one controversial relationship – it's about how we, as a society, process and understand relationships through media. It's about the stories we tell ourselves and each other, and how those narratives shape our reality.

Consider how many of your ideas about relationships come from media – from films, TV shows, and news stories. What narratives have you internalized without realizing it? I hope that by joining these discussions, you'll start questioning everything you consume. Pay attention to your own reactions: What makes you uncomfortable? What makes you empathize? Those responses might reveal something about yourself.

Thank you for reading. Until next time, keep watching, keep thinking, and keep questioning.